Self-Care
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
― Audre Lorde
When someone focuses less on their external world and more on self-care, their whole life has a way of getting better in ways they could never have predicted. And I very much encourage you not to take my word on that one. Please, try piling on the self-care. Try being kinder and kinder to yourself. Try listening to yourself, to what you do and don’t want. Try being self-forgiving. Try giving yourself permission to be more authentic. Give yourself permission to pursue the things you really want even when you’re scared. Do it because you are scared. Try being more connected to your feelings, listening to them, and feeling them. And then, as the days and months go by, ask yourself, “Is my life getting better?”
Self-care can take many forms. For some it may mean buying themselves small (or large) gifts or doing things they enjoy. You might take yourself on “dates.” You might tell yourself why you love yourself, the same as you might tell another person. You can take love songs and sing them to your inner-child. It may mean doing things you’ve always wanted to do and even things you had forgotten that you had always wanted to try. It may mean doing things that feel like loving self-care such as meditating, praying, calling friends, physical exercise, eating differently, journaling, sharing authentically with others, sharing authentically with yourself, getting support, going to therapy, taking a vacation, taking time for yourself, connecting with loved ones, starting a spiritual practice, or even reading something that helps meet our need for growth. There is no one right way to practice self-care. It is unique to everyone. The key is to do what works for you. You are the most qualified person to say what taking care of yourself looks like.
I’m not promising you a perfect life, but I am promising you a far better life. It will be better in unpredictable ways, on an unpredictable schedule, but in my experience, when one focuses on improving their internal world, the external factors have a way of following suit.
I do find it important to remember that whatever you think your timetable should be, you’re likely wrong. Most doctors will tell you, a good patient is more key to recovery than a good doctor (and that goes for whether we are recovering from a physical or emotional injury, or both). I believe that we get out what we put in, and if you put a lot of work into your self-care, you will get a lot out. But I also accept that I am not god so I don’t get to decide how or when my better life unfolds.
Lastly, while earlier I suggested meeting people where they’re at, I’d also like to offer a gentle reminder to meet yourself where you’re at. It is understandable that we get frustrated because we’re not further along on our journeys. “Why do I still crave my old addictions?” “Why can’t I break harmful thought patterns?” “Why do I return to harmful situations?” “Why don’t I leave?” “Why can’t I change?” “Why am I stuck?” “Why can’t I make a big decision?” “Why can’t I take the actions I know I should?” Be kind and patient towards yourself. I can’t tell you when your next breakthrough will come, but I can tell you that if you keep focusing on taking the next right action, you’ll get there. If you strive to make your inner world better, you yourself will ensure that external improvements follow. While life may never be perfect I can certainly promise you can trade in your current problems for much better problems.
Ask Yourself:
What actions do I currently take that could be labeled as “self care?”
In what ways would I like to take better care of myself in the following areas:
Physical
Spiritual
Emotional
Personal
Professional
Creative
Knowing that I can’t do everything at once, what is one important way I could start to give myself more self-care now?
Next Letter: Addictions