Gratitude
“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”
― Persian Proverb
Gratitude is another one of those life secrets that, once I discovered it, was so incredibly simple yet powerful that I couldn’t understand why no one had told me about it earlier. Or perhaps people did, but I just wasn’t ready to hear it. If you’re choosing to read this now, I suspect you’re ready to hear it.
One day, a friend suggested that every morning I write down three things that I am grateful for. On my worst days, even when I was deeply depressed and suicidal, I still had to think of three things I was grateful for. The results were incredible. The task forced me to think differently. It forced me to focus, even if only for a few moments, on what I was grateful for rather than what I was upset about. I was slowly beginning the hard work of shifting what my mind focused on. Through daily repetition, I was deepening the grooves of new patterns that would make me happier throughout my day and my life.
We all choose what to focus on. We can look around and see what’s wrong in the world, with other people, with our jobs, ourselves, our relationships. Or, we can look at those same people, that same world, that same job, and see what’s wonderful about it. Both choices are entirely valid but it’s important to remember that they are choices. Of course, just knowing that fact will not help you one bit.
Knowing optimistic people are happier will not make you any more optimistic. If anything, it will cause you to feel shame and frustration about your own lack of optimism. The good news is if you want, you can train yourself to be more optimistic.
An “attitude of gratitude” is one of the great secrets of a happier life. Throughout these letters, I’ll continue to say that all emotions are valid. I don’t believe one should set out to be happy all the time; that is paradoxically counter-productive as feeling all our feelings is key to emotional health. However, if you would like to be happier more of the time, then having a greater sense of gratitude works miracles.
In a daily gratitude practice, some people might simply say the same thing every day: that they are grateful to be alive, to be breathing, for their loved ones, their job. The things you say you are grateful for could be very, very small or very, very big. Your gratitude list might not overlap with mine at all, and that’s fine. Every day, find what makes you feel grateful in that moment. And if there are days when you struggle to feel grateful at all, know that is okay too.
It doesn’t matter if other people would find your gratitude list totally insignificant, silly, or even dumb. As we examined earlier, “One man’s mission is another’s minutiae.” It is normal that some things that are important to you seem trivial to other people (and vice-versa). Simply state whatever you are grateful for.
Even better, if you chose to do so, you can share your gratitude list with others. Every day, you and a gratitude buddy can tell each other things you’re grateful for. This has a couple of positive impacts. First, it forces you to think about what you’re grateful for and gets you to start rewiring the brain towards a more positive mode of thinking. Second, in my experience, hearing someone else’s gratitude list very often helps me think of even more things I am grateful for, thereby enabling me to deepend and expand my sense of gratitude. You may find yourself on your way to becoming an optimist.
On that note, I’m grateful to share these thoughts with you and I am incredibly grateful you are taking the time to read all or some of these even if you disagree with all, most, or some of it- I’m truly grateful for the consideration. Thank you.
Ask Yourself:
What is my opinion of positive people?
What am I grateful for right now? Why?
Who can I share my gratitude list with?
Next Letter: The Stories We Tell