Is It Better to Be Right or Happy?
“Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.”
- Carl Jung
Take a moment and ask yourself, “Would I rather be right or happy?”
I’ve noticed it’s a question people seem to answer pretty definitively, but the answer varies. I’ve heard people quickly answer, “Happy,” with extreme confidence, and I’ve heard people say, “Right,” with equal assuredness.
For our purposes, I hope you don’t have to choose. However, many people would read the chart in the previous letter and feel the left column was clearly truth, and the right column perhaps some variation of “new-age, pop-psychology bullshit that fools tell themselves to feel better.” The fact is both columns are made up of subjective statements, not facts. So whichever parts of it you believe is largely based on your biases instead of any facts. Those biases can be challenged, but, as we’ll see, not easily.
We often take great comfort in being right. Especially when our assumptions are negative thoughts like, “Life sucks.” We look around, see all the truly horrific things going on, and feel validated: We were right and life is awful. Of course, optimists look around, sees things that reinforce their way of thinking, and also conclude that they are right.
This tendency is called confirmation bias. We believe our minds draw conclusions based on the facts, but what really happens is the other way around. Our mind selects what facts to see based on its pre-existing beliefs. We come at things with a preconceived idea, and then search for evidence to support that idea. Then we say say, “See, I was right.”
This is why it is so hard to change a person’s mind. Even when people are presented with evidence that contradicts what they believe, their brains will work extremely hard to see that evidence through the biased perspective of their pre-existing beliefs.
This works for all kinds of things. “Women are bad drivers….Everyone’s an asshole…Lawyers are all crooks...Today’s going to be a bad day.” It’s pretty easy to look around and find the evidence that supports our pre-existing thoughts.
Take another look at the chart in previous letter and ask yourself, is the left column any truer than the right? Say you could choose to believe in either column – which one would make you happier? To me, that question is key. Our experience of the world is subjective by definition – it’s our experience, after all. Given, that, I’d be crazy not to choose the set of beliefs that make me happier, if I can convince myself of them. Remember, awareness of a problem is the critical precursor to acceptance and action.
Let’s do a thought experiment for a moment and assume our natural state is one of happiness. There is evidence that supports this after all. If you watch children play, it’s easy to see that kids naturally seek out joy. So what if happiness is our natural state, however, as we grew-up, we were trained to go against that natural desire. Can we get back to that childlike pursuit of happiness that we had before we learned all that other stuff that made us less happy? What if we could return to that state where being happy and thinking positively mattered most?
Ask Yourself:
Would I rather be right or happy?
Are there ways that confirmation bias might apply to me? What are they?
Do I think confirmation bias applies to others but not myself?
What could happen if I let myself focus on being happier? Are the consequences worth the risk? Am I worth it?
Next Letter: Gratitude