Mind Games
"How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened?”
- Thomas Jefferson
If addictions are things we compulsively do to avoid our inner world, our feelings, and ourselves, what about the so-called, “inner drugstore?” Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, said, “All our neuroses are substitutes for legitimate suffering.” Consider those strategies our minds use to help keep us distracted from other parts of our mind. Strategies such as compulsively worrying, panicking, beating yourself up, over-obsession with others’ lives, conspiracy theories, celebrity obsession, or other mental gymnastics that preoccupy our thoughts. Might Jung be right, and these are techniques we unconsciously use to keep the focus off of topics we’d rather not think about?
Those thoughts and feelings I was so good at avoiding- I had no clue I was avoiding them until I stopped and forced myself to really explore what was going on inside me. It turns out I’ve been addicted to people, to substances, to my cellphone, to work, and to this day I still struggle with an addiction to feeling productive. I love to check things off a list. The problem is, while I’m being “productive,” am I dealing with the things that are most important or am I simply going for the easy, low-hanging fruit so I can avoid feeling what’s really going on at a deeper level?
Self-abuse was a key part of my “inner drugstore” that I’ve learned to do without. This can be confusing because it's natural to wonder, “How is something that makes miserable an avoidance tactic?” I believe calling myself “a worthless, no good piece of shit” or other negative self-talk is often a way of avoiding feelings that would be even more painful. Feelings like deep-seated loneliness, self-hatred, and fears (like my fears of not being enough, rejection, smothering, and abandonment). Now when negative self-talk pops up, I often ask myself, “What might I be trying to avoid by beating myself up?” Often, I can find my real underlying fears and then I can get to the root of the problem without engaging in my addiction to negative self-talk.
There is no perfection, but through awareness, acceptance and action we can progress towards a healthier relationship with ourselves and lessen our reliance on our inner drugstore.
This gets tricky because much of the inner drugstore is socially acceptable. Workaholism, anxiety, self-abuse and even celebrity obsession are techniques that are not only tolerated, but also often applauded. I want to pause here to reiterate that I am not proposing that all addictions are equal. However, it is worth examining that they are all emotional avoidance tactics. We may be utilizing our inner drugstore to avoid difficult feelings when the only real way out is through. No one does this perfectly, but as we continue to see, the more we head towards our pain, and the more we attempt the hard work of addressing our uncovered issues, the more we begin to fix the things that really matter. That’s how our lives become truly more wonderful inside and out. Let your pain be the signal; it is time to get motivated instead of avoiding it. Go into the darkest woods of your mind, and head towards the monster you’ve spent your whole life avoiding. Then look it in the eyes and embrace it. The more you embrace the monster, the smaller it becomes until you realize it was never really that scary to begin with. In fact, it was scared all along. And if you think you can’t embrace the monster because doing so will kill you, you will slowly come to realize that not embracing it is already killing you.
Ask Yourself:
In what way might my mind be distracting me from thoughts I fear would be too painful to face?
At what times do I find myself engaging in negative self-talk? What emotions might I be trying to avoid?
Ultimately, do I feel my “inner drugstore” hurts me more than it helps me?
Next Letter: Changing By Doing