Getting Your Hopes Up
“The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
- Winston Churchill
I often hear people say some variation of, “I don't want to get my hopes up. If things don’t work out, that will only make the disappointment harder.” That sounds logical, but upon trying to really examine this notion, I’ve found that not only is it untrue, it is actually more likely to set one up for failure and increase the resulting suffering.
Optimistic people have what Positive Psychology pioneer Martin Seligman refers to as a more positive, “explanatory style.” What he means is that the type of people that get their hopes up handle bad news better. This is because they are less likely to believe a failure will persist or is a sign of more failures to come. After all, that’s what being optimistic is all about.
Pessimistic people (those who generally tend not to want to get their hopes up) have a more negative explanatory style. They’re likely to take the bad news the hardest. They believe this sort of bad luck will be persistent and permanent. Thus, they are also the people who take bad news the worst while those who “got their hopes up” tend to take bad news more positively (plus, they allowed themselves to feel happier even before they knew the results).
Worse yet, the self-fulfilling prophecy in both cases is often likely to kick in. As discussed, human beings love proving ourselves right. Our brains constantly look for evidence to support our preconceived notions. So, those who think they’re playing it safe by “not getting their hopes up” are putting themselves in a mindset that is more likely to bring about unconscious self-sabotage. By getting our hopes up, we get to enjoy the optimism, are more likely to take unconscious steps that ensure success, and are also just more likely to take positive actions in general. Believing something might work is key to deciding whether or not you try it. And, even if we fail, having a positive explanatory style means we are more likely to handle the news positively, to try again, and thus to eventually succeed. In other words, “getting your hopes up” makes you happier and more likely to succeed. As Henry Ford believed, “Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.”
Ask Yourself:
Do I think it’s dangerous to get my hopes up?
In what ways could pessimism be self-fulfilling?
Would I be more motivated to take action if I felt optimistic about the potential outcome?
Could preparing myself for the worst and telling myself to expect it, stop me from hoping or trying for the best?
Next Letter: Getting What You Want